Author: Mr Dale's Diary

Friday 3rd March 2017

I see the Big Man has feasted mightily in the trough. His associates (he calls them colleagues but I would not dignify them with that description), have also got their snouts well into the trough. He has of course plunged deeper, as you would expect, as a small portion would no way be sufficient for his ‘greatness’ , or vastness. One of his ‘colleagues’ has however amused me with her Joan of Arc indignation. Or is it Marie Antoinette? Some have likened the bleat to “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” and Queen Gertrude in Hamlet. I must, however, protest.

WHERE IS MY SHARE?

I am the top of the tree, the alpha male, the silverback – the ‘dogs’, ME. Clearly no one even comes close! I have told them to find a way to send some of their ill gotten gains my way. The Big Man is continually expanding his interests (as well as his trousers), time for my coffers to be replenished. I have had to resort to cunning stunts, (rhyming slang almost) to get pennies. Another wedding, TV appearances, even tried doing some politics for the first time but it is not enough! I am even being ‘out earned’ by the ex! She can earn from all sorts of situations, learned well from me she did.

Come on, where’s my cut? You learnt how to play the game at the altar of ME! I can’t be kept waiting and wanting!

big man cutangry dale

Thursday 19th January 2017

Happy New Year. To ME of course. My busy schedule of self-indulgence and claims for increased office expenses has put my diary into the background, but, responsible person that I am, I’m back!

Mr Dale money-bath

As we enter the new year I expect my rise to stardom will continue with adulation being bestowed on me by my employers. However, my employers do need to get their finger out and allow me to get on with earning proper money.  They have refused me an increase in my income. How dare they. Do they not realise the cost of a ‘needy’ ex? I expect to increase my income as the Big Man and Ginge seem to have some scams that they will include me in, whether they wish to or not. They did impress me with their big pay increases with total disregard for the serfs. We are on the same wavelength as regards serfs, and money.

Anyway, what is the problem with building on fields? Acres of houses are a much better earner for those of us who matter, not cows or sheep! Ginge will sort out the planning technicalities, for a ‘small fee’ of course. I will promise that the serfs can afford the houses we build but we will sell them at a top price, can’t afford to be sentimental. The Big Man will ease the rules, rake in the taxes and adjust his expenses accordingly. Looking forward to some real income; media income is OK to tide me over but I need more.

Being the wonderful soul I am, I am hosting a dinner for the mare of the fiefdom so he can get some reflected glory from ME. 30 quid a head I reckon – free for ME and a young lady will be sufficient expenses for Mr Generous. The Big Man fancies a night out. If ‘Six Dinners Sid’ does so, he can pay £180 for his six dinners. He can afford it from his amazing expenses deal. You have to applaud S D S for what he is trousering. A fine example to all.

banquet-with-friends

I was most upset the other day. As I traversed the shopping area of my fiefdom, to attract willing worship from serfs of course, a number of vagrant ne’er do wells lined the area. They had receptacles of coins, and not once did any of them give money to ME. Why? If they can’t laud me and my magnificent example, they should be out of my eyesight. Disgraceful. Big Six Dinners Sid will hear of this. I demand better.

mr-dale-getting-beggars-money

Sunday 25th December 2016

MR DALE’S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE

Serfs:

Christmas. A time for reflection and a focus of hope for the future. It remains a time when I try to put aside the anxieties of the moment and remember that I was born to bring peace and tolerance to a troubled world. Each year that passes seems to have its own character. Some leave us with a feeling of satisfaction, others are best forgotten. 2016 was a difficult year for many, in particular those facing the continuing effects of the economic downturn. I look back fondly on these past twelve months, marked in particular for me by the very generous response to my expenses claims. I especially value the opportunities I have had to meet young ladies. I am impressed by their energy and vitality. At this time of year, few sights evoke more feelings of cheer and goodwill than an expenses cheque and pictures of the latest Ms Dale and ME in the papers.

I put a tree up this time of year, just like you serfs do. The custom of topping a tree goes back to Prince Albert’s time. For his family’s tree, he chose an angel, helping to remind us that the focus of the Christmas story is on one particular family. My tree is topped with an image of ME, to remind you that I am top of the tree round here and that my modern family needs extra expenses.

Like everyone else, I learn about what is going on in the world from the media, and I try to publicise myself as much as possible so you can see ME. I am fortunate to have another source of information. Every day hundreds of letters come to my desk, and I make a point of reading as many of them as I possibly can if they have cheques in. They are a pleasure to read. There are also sad ones from irritating serfs who want help. There are silly ones from people who want to tell me what they think about current issues, or who have suggestions to make about changing the way things are done. Others are full of frank advice for me and my family and some of them do not hesitate to be critical. As a conscientious person, I recycle each and every one of them.

Christians are taught to love their neighbours, having compassion and concern, and being ready to undertake charity and voluntary work to ease the burden of deprivation and disadvantage. We may ourselves be confronted by a bewildering array of difficulties and challenges, but you must never cease to work for a better future for ME.

I wish ME a very happy Christmas.

mr-dale-on-xmas-tree

Thursday 15th December 2016

Mr Dale money-bath

My all seeing, all hearing wallet hears of an interesting expenses bonanza in my fiefdom. Manna from heaven for a number of my less important chums. A festive jackpot indeed. Fine work that is to be congratulated – congratulations to ME for I am the king of expenses and my minions have learnt well. They may buy me a drink. One hears Six Dinners Sid feasted exceptionally well as a result. Double puddings all round!!

double-pudding-chips-peas-gravydouble-pudding-chips-peas-gravydouble-pudding-chips-peas-gravydouble-pudding-chips-peas-gravydouble-pudding-chips-peas-gravydouble-pudding-chips-peas-gravy

Wednesday 14th December 2016

At this time of year I’m most generous, it is expected of someone like ME. Although I should receive, I have compiled a list of presents I shall be bestowing on staff and serfs.Unfortunately my self help books ( or more appropriately help yourself books ) are not ready for this Christmas, my man has not written them yet.

My list of presents:
For the Big Man, a set of six dinner plates. That should make dinner times easier.
I think, for Ginge, a very large piggy bank. One with no way of getting money out! It will provide us with much entertainment watching him try to extract the money.
For the three of us, more expenses!
For my man, a set of quills (or the modern equivalent) so he can get on with writing my books.
I have bought my ex a book, with only one or two pictures already coloured in.
My ladies will get pictures of ME. Each with a few words and also smell of ME. (Don’t ask).

Now what for the serfs? I will allow them to buy me a drink. An honour for them. Make it a large one!

mr-dale-santa-girl-on-lap