Friday 30th September 2016

Still liking the young ladies, seems they can’t resist me or a night in an expensive hotel. Got the press to ‘spot’ me with the young lady, can’t remember her name but she looked a bit like one of my ex’s, a lot younger of course! Payment from the press was involved, but I kept most of it, with a small fee to the lady; no one can accuse ME of being mean. The serfs are impressed by my prowess and worship ME.

One of my ex’s seems to have learnt the ability of how to get in the papers and on the telly as well. I will be charging commission of course for using my paparazzi. She seems to have them conveniently on hand (they just so happen to be there at the time!) to capture life events. Nice earner indeed. I thought she had a personal trainer on tap to keep off the pounds but it looks to me like Manuel is bringing the lass a few doggie bags from his restaurant and making sure she has ample mouthfuls of Spanish chorizo. Beach bod indeed. Getting a bit old and flabby for my needs.

The Big Man and Ginge are pursuing their interests, so I need to find out more and get them to cut me in. Half for them, half for me, after all my expenses have been paid first as it is my will that ultimately controls my lands. Could be trousering a significant wad if all goes well. But, oh dear. The Big Man is showing he hasn’t the calibre of a man such as ME. He seems to be getting rattled by the serfs and moaning minnies and lacks the character to deal with them. Have sent a spy in to the camp to keep a closer eye on things. He needs to remember that it is a convenience to me that I know what’s what with the big man. There needs to be an improvement or he’s no good to ME.There may be consequences….

Time for me to make statesman-like noises and pledge my support blah de blah. The serfs obviously trust such a fine man as myself and my pronouncements.

Monday 19th September 2016

The serfs and celebrities gather in the centre of my fiefdom to unveil a statue. But what is this? The statue is not of ME ? Astonishing! My statue must still be work in progress so that it is fine tuned to represent my perfection, like Michelangelo’s David or Rodin’s The Thinker.

I hear there are also some arty things going on, might get to do some still life painting, of young ladies of course. I could strip off as well just to make them feel at home. I wonder if the models do home visits?

The amount of my office space ought to be able to be utilised. I have utilised it before, but that was not for money! Maybe I could provide space for accommodation, put in a few beds and a kettle to go with my iron.

The Big Man appears to be well on with his projects. One is involved with someone based in a foreign location. I have offered to go out to represent him, being as it’s a nice holiday location. He has declined even though I said I would not be taking my ex. Even my man seems to know more than me about what’s going on. He was gossiping excitedly about something on the telly – chicken grills and an ex of mine. All sounds very odd -this requires investigation.

Monday 12th September 2016

Moaning Minnies at it again, but a quiet weekend and week really. Need to keep my head down sometimes (and my trousers up according to my man!). Still, I need more money, seems my ex has suddenly discovered that she needs more financial help!

After giving advice to a colleague, a kindred spirit, I have had an idea. Yes, I ,not my man, have had an idea! Why not offer to write an agony aunt’s (uncle) column in a newspaper. I have plenty of experience to draw on in so many ways. A successful and great man like myself can give advice on dealing with problems and how to get round them. Whatever the issue, it can be got round. I find carrying on regardless seems to be the best policy. Just ignore the critics, they are so insignificant and unimportant compared to ME. Another option is to know the guilty secrets of those around you. Look out Big Man and Ginge and my exes!

Talking of Laurel and Hardy, they are up to something with regard to what should be my theME Park. If they do something else with the area, there had better be a considerable wad in it for me. I have not given up my ambitions yet. It could be a money spinner at Christmas as Santa’s grotto. It’s big enough for reindeer, even a Christmas market. I have the Big Man down as Santa, Ginge and ‘my man’ would make fine elves as would some nice young ladies.

COMING SOON TO A DISUSED SITE NEAR YOU

Monday 5th September 2016

Seems a fellow of importance in a similar position to ME (but clearly not quite as fine as my good self) has hit a bit of trouble with his ‘hobbies’. We fine chaps need to stick together, after all we have not broken the law, how could we? Others may see some of our actions as crimes, but if we don’t then that is an end to the matter. I only hope he got a satisfactory ‘enhancement’ from the publicity, I certainly would have. I wonder if he needs advice on this, for a small fee of course – now there is an immense opportunity to trouser some real cash.

What has he done? Employing a serf to satisfy his needs, with a bit of ‘enhancement’ for them and himself. How can that be a problem for US? We need to stop these serfs criticising US.
What can we do? Exile them? Why not?

Now , a word from our sponsors…

Sunday 4th September 2016

As an internationally recognised man of affairs, I of course know what is going on. One might think that seeing America and China joining the Paris global climate agreement is a good thing. Indeed it is. They have done so because of ME !! They have seen my recent work in this field and followed my example. For those not aware of my affairs (and why aren’t you?) I have been responsible for the establishment of a magnificent new waste recycling unit in my fiefdom. This has been greeted with unparalleled delight by the serfs. These nations have seen what I have done and followed suit. What a man I am.

I do like the railways, a fine source of income. First class. I always liked Thomas the Tank and fancied being the Fat Controller ( although some might say the Big Man is more apt). It was only missing young lady engines, who were a bit thin on the ground. Now what about a racy young lady engine with digital controls – what name can we give her – Amtrak Alice or Sophe the shunter – with a slightly older one, been through the mill, knocked about a bit? Some action in the Fat Controller’s office over a desk full of timetables. Mr Portillo won’t find that in his Bradshaws!

And yet. despite all my famous triumphs (I think the younger generation say I’m amazeballs which is apt) , it appears that some of the serfs are still questioning by eminence and greatness. How dare they! I cannot do any wrong, they are beginning to annoy me. What do I do that is amiss? Yes, I do require certain things for my needs and I should not have to dip into my pocket to fund them. It is for the serfs to pay. I am the greatest modern family man there is. My good example costs money. Of course I need breaks and holidays by the sea and obviously somewhere to park my car at the airport not to mention the air fare. How else can I function? Filey does not quite fit the bill for a man of my esteem.

So my serfs, appreciate my greatness and part with your money with gratitude – for you are paying for ME. It’s Sunday and I’m off to church now, so that God can worship ME!