Friday
There I was sat, independently, amongst the rabble whilst they were debating something or other. Of what I do not know. I wasn’t paying attention. I was thinking about me. I pondered, when oh when will I get the Knighthood I so truly deserve. I thought the book might have got me an honour, an OBE perhaps, standing for other buggers efforts. People can say what they like but I got the credit.
The Ex would love the press opportunity of a royal garden party. She could take selfies of the puppies on the palace lawn, and some with the corgis too.
Alas, the dream had to end and one’s work had to continue in the bar, hopefully my man is running HQ properly. I wonder what’s in the Sundays. Other people putting stuff in the paper for free pees me off, it gives them ideas. One paper did an interview without paying. Still, the reporter was a nice young thing and very accommodating!
Thursday
Having another problem with an ex. The police have asked me to come in for a chat. Can’t think what I am supposed to have done. It’ll be something and nothing. If there is a problem I can go to a senior officer; as a well respected man of the people any version of events I put forward will be believed.
Still it’s publicity, and any publicity is better than no publicity. In any case I have arranged to sell pictures of me attending the police station. I like to turn every situation into a money making opportunity.
My man is now back working for me. Seems he had a bit of a problem with the job he went to. Hope he now knows where his best bet for work lies, doing what I tell him to do. He does need to get a shift on writing my book. Still not got a title yet,’ the stud’ has already been taken! Yet another good joke,eh?
Looking forward to the weekend, normally very lucrative. Just have to put my name to anything the papers write. This week I have had a go at asylum seekers, might continue with that. I can always have a go at benefits cheats, that is always gobbled up by the papers.
Might call up my publicity seeking ex, I could latch on to some of her publicity. She still defends me, just a bit concerned at what she’ll do when I stop paying her.***k her, I am too well respected to worry about anyone else’s opinions.
Wednesday
Got into work this morning to find the office flooded; burst pipe or something like that. Next door flooded as well, but that’s their problem. Told my staff to get it sorted by the time I come back from my lunch date; a charity do but should be a good feed.
Been thinking of my book. Maybe I could write a column for a paper outlining my thoughts. I’ll get my man to make a start. We can then recycle this for my book. Paid twice for the same stuff, I like it!
Not had anything in the main papers for days! Only the usual stuff in the local paper. I could ask my staff for ideas but they are not much use, for that at least. Handy for other things though.
The staff sometimes forget what an important man I am. I have to remind them.
That ex wife of mine seems to be getting a lot of publicity with her suspect activities. She seems
to be getting more attention than me. That can’t be right, I’ll have to get my man to think of something to get me back in the public eye. Could have a go at foreign aid, that’s always popular, but I need to be careful it does not damage free trips abroad. I wonder if the tobacco companies need someone to visit their factories in some hot spot?
Got to go I can hear an ice cream van. I just fancy a Mr. Whippy!
Tuesday
I’ve been working on my book; well my man has that is.My bit is to do the cover. Should be another money spinner. I want to put some pictures in the book but my man says no, just stick to the cover. I like the fifty shades cover, perhaps I can audition some women to pose for it.You never know they may be inclined to do a few extras! Worth a try.
Not much in the papers about me but at least the relatives causing me grief have been warned off. Who wants relations, well not that sort of relations! First joke in a long time, perhaps I can include that in the book.My man’s not impressed. Back to my job as self publicising myself.
Must be someone who wants me to attend an event, if not I’ll have to get someone to get me some dinner. I find I can eat as much as I like and then run it off to keep my physique in prime condition.
I feel like a good night out, but who with? Hopefully the town will remain quiet. If something happens I can just keep my head down. Might have to, but no f*** it, all publicity is good publicity!
Monday
Woke up without much of a hangover. Looked in the mirror, the hair cut still fresh, might colour my hair. Fine figure of a man. Just right for those young ladies to lie on!
Not many letters, most will be at the office. Waiting for a few more offers from the newspapers.
As a man of the people I’m in great demand to give my views. Good pay, I can say any crap as long as it’s right wing. The common touch eh, must get on to my man to write a few articles for me and to give me some sound bites.
Next job is to check the newspapers. If I’m not in I’ll get on to my journalists and give them a rant.
As a representative of the people I should have constant exposure in the papers, pity it’s not all paid.
Had a message about the kids, there’s a birthday coming up or something like that.Ought to send a present, I’ll get my assistant on to it.
Well I’m off to the office,more than enough writing for now, does my head in, still should be able to sell it later. I’ll get someone to get me breakfast to eat while they tell me what’s in the papers that I should know about. Any criticism of me should get the daily crap going so that means a bit more money for me. Can never have enough, problem is others want some of it. They should get their own, I’ve got my life to live. Now where’s my f***ing taxi?
Mr Dale's Diary 